So, weddings have been a topic of conversation in our house lately. My kids have a cousin getting married next month, combined with the recent announcement of average amount of money spent on a wedding in the US, have fueled these conversations. $30,000 is now the average amount spent on a wedding in the US!
The Humor
As my daughters were outlining just what they each wanted, one of them stopped mid-sentence and asked, "wait, who pays for the wedding? Oh shoot! The bride's parents!" I just thought that was so funny. The look on her face when she made the realization that she DID NOT have a $30,000 budget to spend on her future (far into the future) wedding, was priceless. She knows me all too well.
The Realistic Attitude
$30,000 is a lot of money. $30,000 can pay for a really good 4-year education. $30,000 can be a down payment on a house or a condo (depending on where you live). $30,000 can buy 2 cars. $30,000 can put a new roof not just on one house, but on a couple of houses. $30,000 is simply out of line for a one-day celebration, considering what else that $30,000 can buy.
Granted, a wedding is a big thing to be celebrated. But it needn't cost MY arm and MY leg. And it certainly should NOT put a newlywed couple into debt. Believe it or not, the bills for many of these expensive weddings aren't being footed by a Daddy Warbucks. But they're being charged on the couple's credit cards. Starting out a marriage in unnecessary debt could put a real strain on the relationship from the get-go. Ouch! My head hurts thinking about such foolishness!
When the dollar signs are in my kids eyes
So, how do I plan on handling this with my own kids? Well, I think we've laid the groundwork already, by talking about finances and value on a regular basis. When one daughter wanted an ipod nano (used, off of craigslist), she was spending her own money. Yet still I asked her, "will you get $45 or $50 worth of entertainment from that? What other entertainment could you get for that same $45 or $50? This is your money. Is there something bigger you'd like to save for? A car, perhaps?" I ask these kind of questions on a regular basis. Sometimes my kids stop and think, then change their minds. Sometimes they firm up their desire for spending their money. But in all cases, they think about it, and make a mindful choice in the end.
What I don't want for my kids is for them to feel that they have to "settle" for a poorman's wedding. Even though they are years away from any wedding plans, we've had a few conversations about what would make them feel special on their wedding day. Nothing has to be done a certain way. They can pick and choose just what elements would make memories to hold onto. And a small budget can indeed create a grand celebration with wonderful memories.
Too often, frugality can leave people (kids especially) feeling deprived and poor. In all areas, we've tried to demonstrate to our kids that we are constantly making choices about how to spend our money. Wedding planning offers a bazillion opportunities to talk about value for dollar spent. But the planning begins now, long before they lay eyes on their knight in shining armor. Discussions about thoughtful use of money aren't limited to wedding plans.
I ended the wedding conversation with a few sentences. "This is all fun to talk about, but for now, your focus is on your studies. Get an education that will lay the foundation for your career, first. Your opportunity for an education is right now, these 4 years. The opportunity to find a mate will span many, many years."
I don't know how much we'll actually contribute to any of our kids weddings. But I do know that the figure will be a fraction of the cost of the so-called average American wedding.
What ways have you seen or used yourself to reduce the cost of a wedding, while creating a lovely day to be remembered?
