You know the joke -- "enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think of me?" Anyway. . .
I knew that at some point I would write this post. I just wasn't together enough to actually write it, until now. So, what is going on with me? I am struggling terribly with depression these days. Not the blues, not just a bad day or string of bad days, but full-blown depression. It began to settle in about a year and a half ago. One of my daughters made a comment about my lack of joy, no smiles, and no laughs last summer. I couldn't pull myself out of this and knew I couldn't continue to live in such emotional pain. I began seeing a therapist a year ago. She had me see my doctor and rule out several medical possibilities. I have addressed one medical situation and continue to do as instructed with that. But the depression has persisted. I can't make it go away, but I can work on uncovering the thought processes and behaviors that I continue with, that cause me to allow other people to treat me poorly. It's no coincidence that several people in my life treat me poorly. It is how they say -- we teach people how to treat us.
This past year I've felt utterly broken. And now I am beginning to put the pieces back together and forge a different path for myself. I feel better getting this out there, and letting you all know why I am not always engaged here. It's not you, it's me. So, yeah, the big D, depression. It's really nasty stuff. But oddly, I am grateful for it. As through addressing depression I have begun to find peace and acceptance of myself, instead of always scrambling after love and acceptance from others.
Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I am working hard to get it together. The week away that I had did wonders for my perspective. I continue to work on my issues, and work towards a future. I apologize if my disappearing a few times this past spring and summer caused any concern for you. I'll be okay. Hope all is well for you.
