I've been describing some of my favorite gifts this week and last, and one of the aspects that may strike some of you is that I was very specific in what I was hoping to receive. Up until the last couple of years, I would have thought that requesting specific gifts would sound like putting in an order. Perhaps if only one or two people in a family were this specific, they might seem a bit pushy about gifts.
In our own family, making our "lists" evolved over a few years. I have to thank my daughter-in-law for this, as she is the one who pointed out that she would really like to give gifts that she knew we would use. For several years, I casually asked my family members if there was something they really wanted or needed. It was last year that we solidified our method for formal gift wish lists.
How our wish lists work
In late November to early December, we all put together our wish lists and circulated them through email. Some of us put together small lists for each person or group of people who would ordinarily give a gift, and some of us put together a master list that anyone in the immediate family could look over. With the latter, we touched base with the other gift-givers when we bought or were about to buy an item off someone's list (to prevent duplicates).
Some of us offered links so others not only understood the listed item more thoroughly, but also provided simpler shopping for the giver. We've also gone off-list, using the lists as springboards for items not listed but that we believed would be appreciated.
When I specified what cutting board I most wanted, I decided to make the shopping easier for my son and daughter-in-law and find one that was reasonably-priced at a local store and that fit my wants. I was very specific, naming brand, size, store, and website. Sometimes the listed items were less specific, such as for my son. He said he wanted a bag of coffee beans that had an interesting label on the package. He said he enjoys having something interesting to look at in the mornings while making his coffee. His list gave me ideas, without detailed directions. I could shop anywhere whole coffee beans were sold, perusing the different packages, and know I would find something he would enjoy. (The bag I chose had a colorful drawing of an octopus on the label.)
Our wish lists were just that -- wishes. No one felt obligated to give any particular gift and no one had expectations of receiving a specific thing.
Pros and cons of wish lists
Pros
- less stressful shopping for the giver, knowing the recipient would use and enjoy the item
- saved a ton of time shopping, time that was used to refocus my attention on the spiritual part of Christmas
- for the recipient -- an opportunity to receive something that has been long-desired but either was out of budget or just hard to part with the money for the item
- easier to stay within our budget, as I wasn't shopping by emotion-sway, but by a list
- no standing in a long line post-Christmas to return or exchange a gift that in some way was not quite right (size, color, duplicate)
- in addition to simplifying gift giving, individual's lists helped us learn more about each other, about our needs as well as about what tickles us
- wish lists diminish some (but not all) of the element of surprise at gift opening time
- perhaps less of "me" put into the gifts I select, fewer opportunities for me to be creative
- for some people, a wish list may feel cold and calculating
