"Artisanal ketchup: Hand-crafted in small batches, using a secret recipe known only to the chef. Locally-sourced ingredients are hand-stirred in an open kettle over a gentle flame, resulting in a premium tomato experience. Available for a limited time."
How much would you pay for artisanal ketchup? $6.99? $5.49? $4.99?
translations:
"artisanal" = anytime a recipe turns out homey, the artisanal label gets slapped on it
"ketchup" = okay, so this is ketchup-like, I'll give it that much
"hand-crafted" = yes, made with my own two hands
"in small batches" = it's not like I needed a gallon of ketchup, just 8 or 10 ounces
"using a secret recipe" = so secret, even I couldn't say exactly what or how much went in to it
"known only to the chef" = oops, I'm afraid the chef can't remember the recipe
"locally-sourced ingredients" = bought just down the street at Cash & Carry
"hand-stirred" = again, my two hands and one spoon
"in an open kettle" = we lost the lid to this pot a while ago
"over a gentle flame" = we have a gas stove
"resulting in a premium tomato experience" = yes -- this is how I'm selling it to my family
"available for a limited time" = we'll run out in a couple of weeks
Whenever my home-baked or scratch-cooked goods have that rustic look, I jokingly call them artisanal and hand-crafted. I've had my share of artisanal (AKA wonky-looking) loaves of bread and hand-crafted (AKA sunken) cakes. In our house, we eat the flops as well as the successes, but we do it with a smile and a laugh.
We were needing ketchup to go with sausages for last night's dinner. I was out of tomato paste, so I used canned tomatoes instead. Despite running the tomatoes through the food processor and trying to press the cooked product through a sieve, the result was a tomato product with a texture much like applesauce. I gave up trying to get something smooth and Heinz-like and just jarred the stuff in one of my fanciest glass jars and called it good. It worked just fine for our cook-out.
All joking aside, this does make me wonder about so-called artisanal products that sell for much more than standard ones. Surely, that must just be a marketing ploy for some of the food items that I see in stores.
(By the way, that's an artisanal hot dog bun in the photo, too!)
