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Tuesday, July 2, 2024

When you're going through a "tired" phase in your life -- 10 tips

Tired periods in life can be precipitated by illness, injury, surgery, grief, stress, loss or even those "happy" moments such as adding a child to the family or excelling in one's career or education. We all have those phases at some point. My own tired phase this go round is primarily due to my recent surgery. To deal with this, I compiled all of the advice I've been given in life and my own previous experience to come up with a list of 10 "rules" for myself.

Obviously, these suggestions only apply to responsibilities that are not part of paid employment. Beyond taking sick leave, most employers have only so much patience for an employee who performs well beneath their usual level for a prolonged period. My rules are more for how to deal with home responsibilities during a challenging phase.

Here they are:

  1. Make physical contributors to recovery (those that boost health, such as sleep, water, good food, and sunshine) a priority. This is not the time to stay up late watching movies night after night or binge-eat a box of cookies or bag of chips. I've had to be more disciplined than normal and opt for a bowl of brown rice and garden greens for a snack in place of crackers more than once these last couple of weeks. I will say, however, that it's also important to allow yourself a treat here and there. Eating food that is pleasing lifts spirits, and that in itself is healing.
  2. Lean into the responsibilities that you enjoy most or have the most ability for. For me, this would be cooking. I enjoy cooking and feel accomplishment when I've baked cookies or made a good lunch for the family. For others, this might mean doing basic cleaning, organizing tasks, or garden work. I've never enjoyed cleaning the house as much as I do baking. These last 2 weeks I've spent many of my work hours baking cookies, snack cake, bread and cheese strata, and mixing up a small batch of frosting for some lingering plain cupcakes that my daughter had baked. I feel productive. I am taking care of my family in this limited way. And I'm slowly reintroducing regular life back into my days.
  3. Take the easy route with the jobs that you like less. This might mean spending a bit of extra money to buy cleaning supplies that do more of the work for you, or buying a few more convenience food products for daily meals. It might also mean using the vacuum on the kitchen and bathroom floors in place of a broom and skip the mopping for a week or two or three. Dusting tools abound and are real time-savers compared to a rag and spray. Heating a healthy frozen meal for dinner one night could provide you with time enough for a quick late afternoon nap. If you have friends or family who can pitch in on these chores that you find burdensome, ask. We'll be hosting a 4th of July celebration this Thursday. I don't mind the cooking part. It's the cleaning house that I dread. One of my daughters has offered to clean the guest bathroom and stove top for me. I'll also skip mopping the kitchen floor until after the gathering, running the vacuum over it to clean before our guests arrive. That will be clean enough, in my opinion.
  4. Intersperse rest breaks in between work periods. These past couple of weeks I've found my days are often composed of 30 minute work periods alternated by 20 or 30 minutes rest periods. I also alternate rest days with work days. Yesterday needed to be a rest day, as I had constant low-level pain that didn't respond to meds. Today I was up and out the door to run my errands, shopping for the foods we'll want, picking up an rx for a family member, dodging into Value Village for a minute, and buying the fireworks. After a long rest break and lunch, I was able to get outside and water the garden. After a bit more of a break, I'll get up and make dinner. I can do all of this today because I had yesterday as a rest day and I know that tomorrow will also be rest day.
  5. Accept a lower standard of "doing" for the time being. My projects are stacked up, but I'm not pushing myself to work speedily on any of them. I'm puttering, doing a bit here and there on my project list. On Saturday I began another spray paint project, but I only got halfway through it. I'm not pushing myself to complete this one, even though its completion is simple and uncomplicated. For now, I have accepted that I can't keep doing and doing,
  6. Go fewer places in a week if you can. Send someone else to do the grocery shopping. Last week, I made a detailed list for my daughter to use when shopping for the family's groceries. It worked out well. She had time to spare and wanted to pick up a few things just for herself anyway. And it saved me from a huge energy crash that would have incurred had I done the week's shopping myself. If you don't have someone who can do the shopping, do a grocery pick-up order or even have your groceries delivered. Staying in more often during this "tired" time will result in a shorter recovery period overall. 
  7. When you rest, really rest. Don't go online or even read a book. Close the curtains and lie down. I have to admit, I am so guilty of using rest breaks to go online. It's just so tempting. I've had to remind myself over and over that I do need real rest for me to move forward.
  8. Expect bad days, whether those are emotionally or physically bad ones. They'll happen. Prepare your mind for them. The pain I had yesterday came seemingly out of the blue. I'd been doing so well with pain. It didn't make much sense that I would now have persistent, although low-level pain. But my doctor had warned me that doing too much too soon would increase blood flow and exacerbate pain. The same can be true if what's going on in your life is dealing with loss or excess stress. You can feel like you're dealing with everything well. And then boom, one little thing derails you. If you mentally prepare for these set-backs, you'll know in advance that you need to show a little more kindness to yourself and not try to power through it all.
  9. If and/or when you have a set-back day, don't feel like you need to completely catch-up the next day. Go slow in catching back up and forgive yourself for your body or mind's limitations.
  10. Finally, try not to think of yourself as feeble, infirm, or a hot mess. Stay hopeful that this period will pass, just as they always have passed before. My own "tired" phase does not define who I am at the core. I will return to an energetic person once again. No matter how fatigued I feel, I intellectually know that I've made a lot of progress from those first couple of days post-surgery. The fact that I got out and did the grocery shopping today is evidence that I'm doing better. One step in front of the other, and soon I'll be back to my normal.
What do you think? Do you have any advice for someone going through a "tired" phase in life?

6 comments:

  1. Hi, Sweetie! I agree with your advice, and am having similar experiences as I go through my own tired phase, as you know, though I'm thankfully farther from the medical part of it.

    I'm still worn-down mentally and generally, and have been interested in how little "extra" I have for any activity. The hobby/handwork activities I thought I would need for distraction were replaced with word search and low-challenge crossword puzzles, and even today, the moderate concentration on a very low-key handwork chore tired my mind and body after only a half-hour or so (about half of the project.) I just put it away, and haven't even set a goal for finishing the other half, beyond "when I feel like it."

    I especially liked your caution not to replace real rest with the internet, and delegating errands, if you have someone who can run them. Those are more energy-sapping than I think we sometimes realize. I also think many of your suggestions also point to really evaluating what really does NEED to be done, and what might either wait, or be done in a much different way than normal. Our expectations of ourselves, our meals, our homes, and our productivity, are often colored by our past, others' expectations, etc., and needn't dictate our actions equally at all times in our lives. For some things, at some times, maybe we can ask ourselves, as a beloved mentor of mine used to tell me when I was a kid, "in 10 years, who's going to give a rip?" I'm glad you're working so hard to be patient and keep things in perspective, Lili. There'll be time for you to be a ball of fire again soon enough, I'm sure! Hugs and prayers, Sara

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  2. All good tips on how to cope with your "tired" phase of life. I have one thing to add, and that is, these are all good tips on how to cope with aging. I have much less stamina, mental sharpness, and drive than I did 20 years ago when I was 50. I have to do every one of your recommendations or I find myself disappointed and depressed. I take longer to do everything, so I chicken out of more complicated projects. I take frequent naps, in the morning and in the afternoon. Shopping is limited to fewer stores and stops. I have lowered my expectations by a lot. I take longer to pay bills, do taxes. I need to write things down more often or I forget. Everytime I use the computer, I write down what I did, so I don't worry if I did it or not. Maybe because I was always a poor planner, so keeping mentally organized is now a greater challenge. I keep a daily junk journal which helps to document when things happened. It's already paid dividends in getting a Medicare claims approved that might otherwise have not been approved for lack of dates and details. I have lowered my standard of "doing" to just taking care of our health and home the best we can. Being independent is a goal. Now that I've seen us slowing down it is suddenly very real.

    Have a nice evening,
    Laura

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  3. Lili, Sara, and Laura, All good perspectives and advice on managing our lives. It all comes down to reasonable expectations and positive self talk. And when we often deal with something physical such as a surgery or illness, we sometimes forget the toll that the emotional part takes. Acknowledging that helps, too.

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  4. This is a great list, and everyone has wonderful suggestions. It's funny--one of the things I do with my patients (especially those with cardiac, pulmonary, cancer-related, or surgery-related decreased endurance) is teach them what we refer to as "energy conservation", and many of the principles that I teach are mentioned here. Lili, your tip of small bursts of activity with frequent rest breaks is so important. Our bodies recover better when we do that, rather than getting all gung-ho for a long period of time and then being wiped out. You have a common-sense approach to slowly resuming activity, and I'm sure you will do fine (although you are probably starting to feel impatient with the length of time it is taking you to feel better).

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  5. Great list! Sounds like you have come up with a good way for yourself to deal with the current season of life.

    Having autoimmune issues due to lupus (SLE) and Hashimoto's, and dealing with random tired periods fairly often, here are a few of my own strategies:

    1) Grocery pickup orders are my friend! A way to inexpensively "hire help". Some folks use Instacart, but I mainly do Sam's or commissary orders, or occasionally W-mart (we don't have any of the major grocery chains here, other than Aldi).

    2) Simple meals become my go-to. A simply-prepared protein and veggie sides become mainstays, both for ease and nutrition.

    3) A Flylady quote (I may be paraphrasing) often comes to mind: "Housework done incorrectly still blesses my family." I tell myself this and give the bathroom a "quick clean" rather than an in-depth one. Having all smooth floors, we purchased a robot vacuum earlier this year, knowing I am headed back to school full-time as well, and having multiple fur-shedding pets. This thing has been wonderful!

    Take care of yourself. Hugs.

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  6. Thank you to all of you for your tips and encouragement. :) I'm doing much better this week. I think recoveries take a little longer as we get older.

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