You all know my current problems. Well last night, in my final dream of the night, my subconscious put everything into perspective.
A voice asked me to draw a version of myself on the wall. Which I did (and frankly, I'm a much better artist than this rendering, well maybe not "much better"). Then that voice asked me to draw a box showing how big my current problem was, which I did in red ink.
The voice asked me what the size of the box was. I replied "it's 5 feet by 5 feet." The voice asked how big (tall) I am, and is this a realistic representation of my problem?
That's when I woke up. I'm 5'3", by the way. So I think the message that my subconscious gave me was that I was thinking my problem is almost as big as I am. In that moment, I realized I had inflated my problem significantly and allowed it to take up too much mind space.
While I don't think we should shame ourselves out of our fears, I do think sometimes my anxious self needs to do a reassessment.
I will no doubt be somewhat anxious the day of my extraction and reasonably afraid. I've come to accept that I will not be at ease with it all. That's just how I am. It's okay to face something difficult and not be at ease with it.
By the way, I still don't know when this will happen. My medical doctor has to clear me for this, as I have some medical issues that need addressing to ensure a successful outcome. I'll give you all a heads up before hand, and I expect I'll be offline for a few days. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll be reading some rather curious and comical posts by me in the hours following, when I'll be a bit loopy from pain killers.
Anyway, this isn't at all about frugal living. And I apologize if you were hoping for more frugal thoughts and less about my dreams. Maybe I'll have something better tomorrow.
Until then . . .
