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| russet apples are ready for harvest |
I feel like I'm stranded on a deserted island with my little family sometimes.
The Seattle area used to be a west coast oasis for fairly frugal folk. Many of my in-person friends' parents kept gardens, spent well below their means, drove one car, wore simple but enduring clothing styles for decades, etc. But in my own circle today, it's hard to find any of my contemporaries who continue in their parents' frugal lifestyles. In my extended family, neither of my siblings are frugal. They're both financially successful, so they can afford the luxuries in their lives. I think it's genuinely difficult for them to relate to my daily life. My stepmom was fairly careful with finances in her latter years, however. She grew up on a small farm in Iowa. When she first came into our family, I grilled her regularly on ways her mother stretched their small income.
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| come and sit with me for a bit |
The internet has been a wonderful gathering place for people of various like-mindedness. Case in point, we're just a handful of friends, here, and we are scattered not only across this continent, but from other regions of the world. Could it be that truly frugal friends and family are few and far between for many of us here?
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| the begonias are still going strong |
Do you have moments in each day where you just want to share your latest frugal accomplishment with a friend, neighbor, or sibling? Or a question when you need help/inspiration/encouragemnt DIY-ing or fixing something yourself?
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| but the hydrangeas are about done for the year |
Have you wondered where the cheapest local place would be to buy an X,Y or Z? Do you long to share your bounty of very imperfect-looking garden produce, but are certain most of your friends would shy away from a fruit or vegetable that didn't look as pristine as those found in the market?
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| the last of the blackberry foraging I'll freeze these for a winter smoothie or treat |
I keep many of the details of my and my family's life from my siblings. They just wouldn't relate and would most likely suggest remedies that aren't feasible for us. I also fear they would turn up their noses at my homemaking routines. Many of my in-person friends don't get the frugal aspect of me either.
So, I turn to and share with you. You, friends, are always welcome into this little corner of my life.
Do you ever feel like a frugal loner in your real life community of family or friends?
I'm sorry, Lili, that you feel all alone in your frugal ways both with family and friends. Is there anything like a BuyNothing group or something similar in your area that you could find people to connect with? Maybe there are some groups who you could share your vast knowledge with. Our church has classes for people with limited funds who need help learning how to cook, etc., economically. You would be great at that. Remember, you always have a supportive group here.
ReplyDeleteNot all, but many people around me are like-minded in their spending habits. But more importantly, my husband and I are like minded on most spending issues. Sometimes negotiating goes on, but we are lucky that money has not been a major source of strife as it is sometimes when partners have very different ways of viewing money.
Thank you for your support, Live and Learn. I should have been more clear on something -- my husband and my kids do "get me." Plus, my husband and I are on the same page with most of our financial decisions. But my extended family certainly lives in a different financial world from me. Thanks again for your kind words.
DeleteI have 2 siblings who both live close to me. They are both thrifty but not frugal. They do a lot of the things I do but not to the same level, if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel judged by them but stopped caring a long time ago. Our parents went through a divorce and my mother was resourceful. I am younger then them so I got more experience with it.
ReplyDeleteMy friends they don't seem to notice, we still take vacations. Our vacations are just different. Not as much eating out and free entertainment. Our kids went to Disney World with marching band. I took a part time Chirstmas retail job to help pay for the fees. They made extra money from a variety of sources including collecting cans, having a yard sale, asking for money for birthdays instead of gifts. My daughter was successful at Marketplace. Meanwhile I had friends tell me they just used credit to pay for it. They didn't understand why I would work the Christmas rush to pay for it. I think in the end they respected the trips more.
I guess I am used to family and friends thinking I am crazy, but being this frugal has gotten us through several hard times. Plus we are more intentional with our spending. I have a friend who buy a lot of things on Amazon but if they are wrong, never returns them. A few times a year she gives me a box of new stuff she can't use. I don't get it. I have jeans and tops she gave me that don't fit her and I altered them to fit me. I even offered to do the same for her but she turned me down. I do not understand it.
Hi Amy,
Deleteyou brought up a good point with regards to siblings and differing attitudes toward finances. My younger sibling came along when times were a whole lot better financially for our family. This sibling wasn't affected by numerous furloughs that my mom and dad endured. So it would make sense that he sees finances so much less stressfully than I do.
I don't think I'd ever put a Disney trip on credit. Like you, I would want to have it paid for in advance, or saved for in advance. There are few things in this life that I am willing to go into debt for. Our house was one (but we paid it off earlier than planned out), and our first cars each. Every other car we've paid cash. I'd rather drive an older car and not have a loan on it than a newer one but with payments.
Lucky you to get a box of goodies from your friend!
I'm sure it feels lonely to have so few real-life friends who understand your commitment to frugality. Overall I don't feel like the odd person out, although sometimes I find people making assumptions that we spend more money on things than we actually do. Our home is in a blue-collar community--quiet and safe, but not very fancy. If I worked a full-time job, we would have been able to afford to move to a more affluent area. I wanted to have the availability to spend more time with my children (and, later, to help my aging parents), but even if we could have afforded a "better" neighborhood, I'm not sure I would have wanted to. I think we would have run into a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses scenario. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your corner of the internet--I value the frugal thoughts of others, but I especially appreciate the contentment that I find here. It can be easy to slip into wanting more/better/fancier and I find that your community takes joy in the simple things. Thanks for creating such a pleasant environment. :)
Hi Kris,
DeleteI think my lack of in person truly frugal friends and family has something to do with where I live and our family's choice for me to be a stay at home mother and wife. I am so glad that there are places in the US where there are lots of frugal people. When my husband and I have looked at real estate outside our area, we've looked at the mid-west, as we feel we'd be more likely to find like-minded people (in many aspects) in that part of the country.
I really do appreciate this space in the internet where we can offer and receive support without judgment.
Good topic. I have often felt a bit "out" compared to others. I choose to live frugally whenever possible. We lived in the country far from family and jobs and drove long ways to get to our jobs that were opposite directions. It was a good place to be and raise our children until one job ended. Now we were down to one job and driving the same direction for work and family so a move to a small "starter" home happened with 3 adult kids in tow. The kids are all on their own now and we still live in the "starter" home and we could move to big house amongst other affluent neighborhoods but we like where we are and even the "starter" home in big enough for just the 2 of us.
ReplyDeleteI find less than perfect fruit and veggies and turn them into edible sides. Meat can be purchased discounted as it gets close to a "use by" date and that is always my first choice to turn into a dinner I would even serve to guests. I'm probably more frugal than my four brothers but I see them struggling financially. I know I could help them with their finances and get a plan in place to get them back on track but those are difficult conversations to have. I also enjoy this corner of the internet where we share rather freely about a lot of topics as similar-minded folks. At least I know there are even more frugal people than me out there and it helps me learn even more.
Alice
Hi Alice,
DeleteI appreciate that you said you "choose to live frugally." It is a choice to a certain extent. I could have chosen to work when my kids were growing up. But my husband and I made this choice. That choice affected our finances and led to our frugality. There is this thing in me, though, that would have led to a somewhat frugal life, even if we'd have more to work with. I can't stand to waste anything, and I've always been this way. That in itself motivates me to do many of my frugal activities, like washing plastic bags instead of throwing them out.
I think I'm quite frugal, but my son and DIL may be even more frugal. They spend where they have to but they have managed raising four children on one income. On the other hand, my daughter is not as frugal, especially in her younger years. There is not a restaurant that we speak of that they haven't tried. Our neighbors don't mind witnessing our frugality. They see in full view my resourcefulness lol. I don't throw anything away, buy culled wood and oops paints for my projects. They are surprised my zany methods actually deliver. I like to think outside the box and find creative solutions, which in a nutshell is frugality. We live in a rural area, but most people living in our island state understand and respect the struggle to stretch a dollar.
ReplyDeleteHave a good day,
Laura
Hi Laura,
DeleteYour resourcefulness is impressive! I'm glad your neighbors appreciate your less-conventional means. Do you ever wonder how your two kids could have grown up in the same house yet have different perspectives to their finances? I often wonder how my three kids will differ, which ones will be frugal, which ones won't be.
It's interesting how members of the same family can be so different. In my frugal son's family, the oldest who just started college is extremely mature and frugal, yet the second one is a big spender, loves nice, expensive clothes and haircuts. Our son and DIL cringe at his spending, but accepts it as that's what he chooses to do with his part time earnings and allowance. Our daughter's two adult children are also different. The younger one is much more mature and frugal than the older sibling. I think it's a personality thing.
DeleteLaura
I agree with the other ladies, both on the value of the subject, and many of their experiences (especially Kris and Alice -- I could steal a few sentences word-for-word. LOL) We're definitely "Frugal Man Out" in our families and DH's work friends. All very nice people we enjoy, just on a different lifestyle/financial wavelength. My personal friends and extended family are more like us, which is nice; and where we live is a very modest- (to low-) income area. In relating to our neighbors, and trying to find local friends, at least simple, sensible living has been a fairly easy way to connect. At a local craft group I attend sometimes, I'd say 2/3 of the ladies are, at least, thrifty; and the others don't seem to judge. I love (and share, with appropriate F&F, wink) the people, ideas and conversations here; and picture me doing the "we're not worthy" to most of you for your incredible frugal creativity (compared to my just bedrock Scotch/Yankee thrift.) Lili, I also found your comments touched me in relation to trying to live a more-healthy (not fitness-oriented) lifestyle. I'm definitely a woman on an island in those efforts. Best to everybody!!!!! Sara
ReplyDeleteHi Sara,
DeleteI do think where one lives has something to do with whether or not we'd find a mostly like-minded community. I'm so glad you and your husband live in a part of the country where people are more down to earth.
I can totally relate to this. As a fellow resident of the greater Seattle area, where high incomes are extremely common (and almost necessary because of the high cost of living), I get it. I don't really have any frugal friends locally. For a while when I was married, my husband made quite a good salary, but I still was frugal in many ways. At that time, I spent more money supporting local businesses, like buying from a local farm and going to locally owned restaurants. Now I am divorced and my income is much lower, so I am not able to do those things.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger and before I got married at age 37, I lived abroad for a decade and did not have a large income. None of my friends did either, so we were all frugal, and it was great. I didn't have a car, and I lived in Amsterdam, so there was a ton of things to do and see. The system is different there, so certain expenses (like health care) were much lower. I was extremely fortunate to have a cheap rent-controlled apartment (long story, but certainly not the norm), so that made things easier.
Nowadays, I have frugal friends online, and I appreciate that very much. I enjoy this blog and everyone's comments. Another good resource is The Prudent Homemaker. She has a blog once every week or every few weeks where she encourages everyone to list their frugal accomplishments in the comments. There's a good community there. I also like The Frugal Girl and The Non-Consumer Advocate.
Thanks, Lili, for writing this blog. I appreciate it all the more because I know you are pretty much just down the road. :)
Hi Tina,
DeleteIn the grand scheme of things, we're practically neighbors! Seriously, you do get it. Salaries in the tech sector here are crazy high. But then again, the COL is very high here, especially with housing. Most of my contemporaries were part of two-income households. It's been seen as the only way to get into the housing market here. But I also see a lot of these same people who are earning what may seem like a lot overextending their credit. Incomes are high here, but this is also a very consumeristic part of the US.
Thanks for sharing about your years in Amsterdam.
Just my sister. Her solution was for me to get a job and put my kids in daycare while working full-time to bring in $100 A month. Money is very important to her. I tell her nothing. She must not remember my mom watched her kids growing up and not putting a 6 week old in daycare. Sorry about my rant.
ReplyDeleteHi Cheryl,
DeleteI hear you. My husband and I did some calculations early on, and there would be very little left over after daycare, extra transportation expenses, additional work wardrobe for me, and likely a lot more convenience meals. I have worked for pay from home at various times in our marriage. The more hours I've worked, the more inclined I've been to use money to make up for me not being there, like buying things and fast food for my kids because I was too busy with work.
Your sister was very fortunate to have your mom watching her kids.
I live in California. Enough said ;D.
ReplyDeleteHi,
DeleteI'd laugh but I know there's truth in what you said.