Loving Through the Darkness: Supporting My Grieving Husband

finding peace in planting flowers

As a wife, I have the need to make my husband's life feel okay again. I've had to move myself forward, so that I can be a supportive help to him. Today was a beautiful, sunny day. It was cold, but the sun was beautiful. I had bought some spring flowering bulbs and plants over the weekend with the intention of filling a pot with spring cheer. The work was good for me, the sunshine was invigorating, and the result was uplifting. In the process I found myself connecting to the birds chirping and woodpeckers pecking in the background. And the ducks, the ducks are back in the pond again! My husband likes to take them a small handful of cracked corn around lunchtime. 

When I've been very down before, finding what is lovely in this world lifts me up. I've also been listening to some of my favorite hymns while doing chores around the house. Pretty flowers, friendly wildlife, meaningful music -- these are things that help me find peace in difficult times. 

It helps to nurture something or someone else, too. That could be tending these plants, or my husband feeding the ducks, or cooking for my family. These little acts bring us back into the world of the living, so to speak.

Most of what we do when we're supporting someone else in the grieving process are considered small acts -- a hug, a shared prayer, a kind ear, a baked treat. I think the small acts are the most welcome in times like these. And it's easy to sprinkle these moments into my husband's day, providing a comforting place in our home for him to find his own peace.

Grief doesn't go away overnight or after a shared prayer or after eating a favorite meal. It hangs in there like an invisible cloud in the room. It's an unseen weight that the bearer carries throughout their day. But I hope to be the partner he can count on to share in this burden, the two becomes one concept of marriage.