Stress Shopping vs. Mindful Shopping

I recently heard someone say that a blog is simply a person working out their issues in a public way. So, here I am today sharing a current issue of mine and how I'm working it out.

This is the cart after leaving the produce department, before adding anything else.
I filled the seat and the full bottom of the cart with fresh produce.

Grief shopping

I went grocery shopping over the weekend and spent almost $200 for a cart full of groceries. That's a high for our household. I was grief shopping. It wasn't that I was filling our cart with expensive processed or treat foods. I was buying the usual foods, just in excessive amounts. I really didn't want us to run out of any of our "regular" foods. We count on having these foods to maintain consistency in our days. And especially right now, that consistency is especially important to us.

A story from my younger years

I was 24 and my sister was 26 when our mother was dying. One day when we were talking, I confessed to my sister that I'd been spending more money than usual. She revealed that she had been doing the same. 

We were living through a terribly stressful situation -- losing our mother bit by bit each day. Much of what I purchased were actually useful and would help me set up a home a couple of years later. I worked in a department store. I did buy some nice clothes, but I mostly bought household items, like small appliances, silverware and dishes, and linens. We use almost all of these items today (a mixer quit on me years ago). However, I can see in hindsight that my shopping patterns then were unhealthy. Fortunately, I didn't incur any negative consequences as a result. But this was my first experience of large-scale stress shopping.

What drives stress shopping?

Stress shopping, grief shopping, retail therapy -- these are all names for a disordered type of shopping experience that attempts to relieve negative emotions. It's a bandaid on a problem that wasn't properly dealt with. 

As far as I can see, there are three primary features of stress shopping, an attempt to impose some control, an attempt to reestablish safety and comfort, and the activation of the pleasure center of the brain with a dopamine hit.

Control -- grief is a period that lacks a sense of control. It feels like a free fall with no visible safety net at the bottom. Stocking up is a way that I ensure we won't run out anytime soon, my method to impose control over our situation.

Comfort and safety. Food is comfort for many of us. We stock up on foods that we enjoy. Having the same basic foods that we've always enjoyed boosts a sense of emotional safety. Keeping regular routines and meals provides a place of refuge in a difficult period.

The dopamine hit counters these feelings of stress, albeit temporarily. Shopping addictions are a real thing for a reason. For some people, making a purchase provides an instant "high". 

What's the answer to stress shopping? 

Mindful shopping. Mindful shopping involves thoughtful planning to meet one's needs. Ironically, mindfulness is also a way to regain control in one's life through reflecting on needs, creating a plan for their fulfillment, and making that happen with purpose. I can still purchase comfort foods while being mindful, just perhaps not in excessive quantity. 

How can I implement some mindfulness in my shopping going forward this month? 

Well, it's not like I can return some of the food that I purchased after having it in my kitchen several days. Unlike returning the purchase of new shoes or gadgets, I can't recoup what I spent on those foods. But, I can ensure we use what I bought, through thoughtful use of the most perishable foods first, And, for my second (and final) shopping of this month, I can use what we have in abundance instead of buying new foods. I may need to buy milk, cheese, and one or two other necessary foods. But I believe that we can refrain from buying much more. I expect in another couple of weeks (when I shop again) that our family will be in a better place emotionally, and my shopping will be under better control. In the meantime, there is zero reason for us to get takeout or dine in a restaurant while our fridge, freezer and pantry are so full.

How about you? Have you ever found yourself stress shopping or buying items that you wouldn't normally due to the stress or grief in your life? How did you handle it?